I write this blog on the last day of my 6 years working for the charity Tikun. I have, unsurprisingly, found myself in a reflective mood today – thinking about my time here, the friends I’ve made who feel like family, the experiences I’ve had – both the ups and downs and also what these 6 years have stood for in the greater scheme of my life. You see, I do not think of my ‘job’ here as simply that – I believe with all my heart that everything that happens to us in life is part of a great tapestry that we cannot view from our limited perspective. The pieces of the jigsaw puzzle of our lives come together as we walk our paths… and sometimes, the twists and turns do not make logical sense. I will explain.
When I came to Tikun (which in itself is another synchronistic story) I visited the centre to hear a talk by a Rabbi on a topic of interest. As I walked into the centre, I felt very ‘at home’ and felt strongly there was something here that I wanted / needed to be a part of. At the time, I had a coaching practice and had absolutely no intention of ever working in an office again. It was off my radar – after years of working as a PA in central London I’d been there, done that and was onto the next stage of my life. Or so I thought.
I found myself bumping into a member of staff who I knew and asking her if there were any positions here. She said there was not, but she’d let the rabbi know I was interested. Within a few days, a job became available – a 3 month maternity cover working directly for the Rabbi in question. I came for an interview, he said he would need to conduct more interviews before he made a decision (he did not) and within a couple of weeks I was a member of staff. So here I was, currently earning good money as a coach with no intention of sitting behind a desk as an admin assistant and doing exactly that! I remember the fear and uncertainty I’d had prior to my start date – so much so that I was going to offer the job to a friend, but someone wise advised me to overcome the fear and give it a whirl. She seemed to think this was a good move for me. I did not.
I started the job, it wasn’t smooth sailing – I was up against my thinking that I’d taken a step backwards, a dislike of the admin work and sitting in a basement, a manager who I felt had it in for me and a much smaller salary. My ego was also struggling – I’d viewed myself as ‘better’ than this job and I was finding it a challenge to take direction. As an aside – that’s never been my forte! ; )
The job became more appealing to me as the time passed for a few reasons but mainly because the work the charity was doing with regard to wellbeing was of huge interest to me. So much so that when my 3 months maternity cover came to and end, I didn’t want to leave. Again, there were no positions available…. until, somebody else left and I was offered his role. Now this was even worse for me – I’d gone from PA (which in itself was a struggle) to general dogsbody! The role was in effect a caretaker for the centre and was the ‘lowest’ role in the office. My resistance was high and my ego was enraged! But, it was this or nothing and the nothing wasn’t an option.
I will not go over the details of each and every thing that has been important here – mainly because who has time to read a thesis (!) and secondly because I cannot do it justice with words. The simple fact is this – I find myself on the other side of this, seemingly, ‘wrong’ turn in my life and feel nothing but awe at the perfection of life and gratitude that cannot be expressed through the spoken word. These 6 years have been pivotal in my journey – necessary to the making of me. I have grown in ways that I could not have imagined… I have been immersed in a learning that has catapulted my understanding of psychology and the human mind, found an extension to my family that feels as thick as blood, evolved as a human, a woman, a daughter, a friend and become more Emma than I ever thought possible. I have developed a world view that is a joy to live in and all this, from a job I viewed as beneath me.
Which brings me to the point of this blog – life is perfect. When it looks like things are falling apart, they’re not. When it feels as though life has taken the wrong route, it hasn’t. When it feels like life is against you and things aren’t going your way, they are. When you don’t get the guy, you’re blessed. When the job falls through, there’s something better. And so on…. Life is always wanting the best for you – It wants you to become all of who you are and it will always put you on a path that allows this to happen. Our only job is to trust and know that. Truly KNOW that. Flow with what comes our way and live in acceptance of what is. Even when the wrapping paper is not of our choice, the gift inside could be worth its weight in gold.
And so it is – my time here at Tikun in this guise has come to an end and my life feels like it’s only just beginning. It has been a fundamental 6 years and I am unrecognisable from the girl I was when I first walked through the door – in the most fantastic of ways! This wrong turn, it turns out, has been one of the biggest blessings I have been given – it seems the sat nav of life knew the best route for me!
Although I am somewhat heavy hearted to leave my family, the strongest feeling I am with, is gratitude. Life is indeed perfect, in all its seeming imperfections. Although none of this was part of my plan, I did what life asks of us – I said yes to the opportunities that presented themselves and surrendered the result. And the result? Six of the most evolutionary and wonderful years of my life to date! I’m so grateful to be a passenger on this ride called life and thank the universe that I’m not in the driver’s seat!
To your evolution!
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