In this day and age, many of us view intimacy as the physical act of love, sex or being bodily naked with another. Whilst intimacy can absolutely be experienced in this manner, it is in actual fact the ability to allow another to see what is inside of us – into-me-you-see.

So many of us walk in this world in protection mode, scared of showing who we truly are in fear of being rejected, to be found lacking. Throughout life, we receive messages that who we intrinsically are is not good enough, that we have to change our natural inclinations in order to ‘fit in’ and be accepted. It happens innocently from birth – we’re told – don’t do that, that’s not ‘right’, there’s a good girl, walk that way, don’t speak in that tone, quieten down, she’s shy, he’s brave and ad infinitum. We therefore learn to adhere to these messages, dumbing ourselves down and building an identity that we deem appropriate and befitting for others and to the outside world. We ignore our intuition and natural inclinations, tweaking our behavior, changing our language and swallowing down our words, therefore presenting a very different Self to the world to that which we experience alone by ourselves.

Within this distortion of ourselves, we hide our fears, our true feelings, our strong emotions (for they’re ‘too much’ for others), our heartfelt desires, visions, dreams and aspirations, allowing them only to be experienced by the therapist, or expressed in their distortion as we act out in misplaced anger when it gets ‘too much’ and the pot boils over. We become adept at this distortion, masters of disguise and whilst we find it possible to walk in the world this way, it is exhausting and allows us only to exist rather than to truly live, resplendent in all we are, showing our many colours, regardless of the perceived protocol or our idea of what is acceptable.

For this is what naked truly means – to be visible with all your ‘stuff’ on display, brazenly shedding the cloak of the heavy, false Self, removing the mask and risking being transparent and seen in all your splendour and magnificence. And when we move in the world this way, we give others permission to do the same. This is where intimacy takes place – when you allow another inside and are truly interested in knowing them also.

We can experience friendship without wearing our insides, outside (!) for sure and I am not suggesting we open ourselves at every given opportunity and to everyone who crosses our path (there’s a time and a place and discernment is key!) but if we truly want to experience true and deep relationships and connections with others, we must be willing to risk being seen in all our glory – allow others to connect with the true you and not simply with the version of yourself that shrouds you, obscuring the beauty that’s within.

I get that we’ve been hurt and I understand that rejection hasn’t felt so great in the past, but the past is simply that, it’s gone and if you’re looking to upgrade and have the full, magnificent experience of what it means to be human on this awesome planet, fully alive, radiant and shining brightly, then it’s time to take a risk. It’s time to peer above the parapet, remove the mask and allow the world to see YOU. Yes, it may feel a little alien and uncomfortable at first, but growth will always come with a few growing pains and this is what this is, growth. It’s showing up in life true to form and reaping the rewards that mirrors this type of commitment and behaviour and I assure you, it will be worth it as you come to experience a freedom that was beyond your previous imagination.

So if you want the full 3 course meal instead of dining on yesterday’s leftovers, take a risk and quite simply, let’s get naked! : )

Confidence – it’s an interesting word to consider. What exactly is it and how do you measure if you have it?

I feel that many of us have a certain connotation of what this means. I know I do. When I conjure up this word in my mind, I think of someone savvy, strong, alert and direct. Someone who stands tall with their head held high, who is undeterred by any situation or person. Someone who is self assured and knows their ‘stuff’, possibly someone the old me would have felt a little intimidated by…

But here’s the thing. Now I know better.

Confidence is not measured outwardly – by your accomplishments or how much louder you can shout than the person next to you. Your intelligence level or how knowledgeable you are on a certain subject is absolutely not an accurate indicator. Confidence is an inside-out job. You can be the quietest person in the room, unobtrusive and inconspicuous, observing rather than participating and be the most confident of the pack.

Confidence is not about comparing yourself to another which (depending on who your chosen benchmark is) can leave you feeling rather lacking; For we tend not to compare ourselves to those who have seemingly ‘less’ than ourselves (which would perhaps elevate our stature and state of mind), oh no, we insist on lining ourselves up against world renowned entrepreneurs, the CEO of Facebook, Anna Wintour, the latest leader of the Fortune 500 or even those in our peer group who seem to have it ‘all-together’. And let it be known, regardless of which bracket you fall into, I tend to suggest steering well clear of comparison altogether. We are all unique.

Confidence is ‘simply’ about Self love. We have a tonne of ‘should’s’, lists that are as long as our arm – who we ‘should’ be, what we ‘should’ be, how we ‘should’ behave, what we ‘should’ have accomplished… ad infinitum. And quite simply, it’s all a load of rubbish. Who you are, where you are and what you are is perfect, for you. Quite simply, it’s exactly where YOU ‘should’ be. You know how I know this? Because it’s where you are! Life doesn’t make mistakes. I am not suggesting there isn’t more you could achieve, of course there is, but thinking you’ve somehow gone ‘wrong’ in relation to ‘another’, is going to do you no favours in your bid for the elusive Confidence you seek.

We are all born equal – one person does not incarnate with confidence whilst another does not. Growing up, we have learnt not to love who we are and therefore we bow our heads and become self deprecating. The irony is, it’s the lack of Self love in our lives that has us ‘under achieve’ because we are so busy berating ourselves and giving ourselves a hard time, that we are the very thing that stands in our own way! Confidence is not necessarily learning something new, it’s unlearning something that’s old, something that’s been holding us back for way too long and that no longer fits (if you’re ready to grow that is)… namely, it’s shedding that limiting belief system and hitting the ‘stop’ button on that record that’s been playing on a loop in our heads for as long as we’ve known who we (think we) are.

As you look around you in a world full of wonders and magic, surrounded by the beauty of nature, the awesomeness of the universe and the unending galaxies, do you really think that G-d (universal energy, life force etc) made a mistake when it came to creating you? That somehow you’re defective, that there’s something ‘missing’? You were created perfectly in order to achieve that which is personal to you as you walk your unique life path on this Earth. Deep down you know this, it’s just been hidden for a very long time. There’s is nothing ‘wrong’ at all, just an outdated software programme that is about ready for an upgrade. We do not have confidence problems, we have thinking problems!

Change starts from within. So if you would love to feel confident, then start by letting go of the thinking that has you feel otherwise and the downward spiral of comparison.  Possibly the most important thing you can do is spend time getting to know YOU. And I say getting to know YOU, not the things that you feel you are NOT or the things you feel are wrong, missing or lacking, but those things that make up the awesomeness that is YOU. Do the things in your life that make your heart sing. Surround yourself with people who lift you up and with whom you feel good around, people with whom you can be fully your SELF. Spend time looking at yourself in the mirror, getting to know who you truly are and learn to love the person who stares back at you. I cannot stress this enough – become your own best friend. We wouldn’t speak to our enemies in some of the ways in which we talk to ourselves. Truly, it’s not ok and let it be known this negative self talk is a form of Self violence and a sure fire way to walk in the opposite direction of Self confidence. Speak to yourself in the kind and compassionate way you would if your own child was doubting themselves. You would never kick them when they’re down, but somehow we think this is ok to do to ourselves. Doesn’t make sense really does it?

In summary, if heavy metal music gave you a headache and jangled your nerves, it wouldn’t be your preferred listening choice. And if it suddenly came onto your favourite radio station, I would bet you’d flip the station in record time. So, why do we insist on playing the same tune in our minds that has us feel down on ourselves and has us continually question our level of Self worth? It may not seem to be this easy, but let me assure you, once you become aware that you are living in an experience of your own thinking and inflicting unnecessary suffering on yourself, you’ll flip that station as quick as you can say Guns & Roses. So, in order for you to feel confident and listen to the music that has you show up as your best Self and dance with life, do yourself a favour and change the record!

For coaching, contact me at emma@emmaeker.com or call 07887 522 199.

To your evolution!

Emma

It is my tendency to see the world as a benevolent place. I believe that life does indeed ‘have my back’ and truly wants me to become the best version of Emma that is possible in this current incarnation – indeed, I believe this to be the case for every one of us. But, every so often, I find myself in a ‘not so positive’ state of mind and questioning this belief, wondering whether life is indeed happening perfectly or whether I have somehow gone awry and taken a ‘wrong’ turn along the way.  

These thoughts take on a number of familiar themes – Am I destined to spend the rest of my life travelling solo? Have I done something ‘wrong’ and walked passed a very obvious open door that had ‘all the things that would make Emma happy’ just behind it? Am I doing enough to make my life ‘work’? Is it me that stands in the way of the potential that is possible? Am I in the ‘wrong’ place – city, country, planet?! Today’s thought is – shouldn’t things be different? 

Risky me putting this here in black and white for a couple of reasons. Firstly, shouting to all and sundry (at least, anyone who finds themselves reading this) that I feel anything other than elated and ‘all-together’ allows you inside of my personal experience and honestly, it feels a little vulnerable, like wearing my insides outside! Secondly, as a Coach, this is not how any marketeer worth their salt would suggest I go about presenting and marketing myself. I’m not certain it’s a great endorsement. But, sod it. If I presented a shiny, happy persona 100% of my waking life I would be nothing but a liar – a denier of how the human experience actually works.  

For indeed, I am human – and having a human experience comes with the territory. Namely, that sometimes I will indeed feel shiny, elated and full of the joys of spring and other times, well, I won’t. The important question is not, shouldn’t things be different? The question that will make all the difference is actually, how seriously do I take this thought? 

You see, when I’m in this place, I feel like I always am. That’s what familiar means – you know it well. And when we’re in a low state of mind, it’s hard to see outside of it. The world familiar is actually defined as ‘well known from long or close association’ or ‘in close friendship; intimate’. We’ve spent many years getting to know these thoughts and identities, befriending them and so, when we step inside of them, we wear them like a second skin. And here’s the important part, because we’ve been so intimate with these thoughts – I’m not good enough, I should be doing better, I’m all alone in the world… –  this ‘second skin’ actually feels real – we take on its shape and these identities and the thinking become our reality. 

And it makes sense really, the only thing we actually feel is our thinking. The outside world does not determine our experience, no matter how compelling (or indeed familiar!) this way of working may seem. No one opened my head and fed in a lot of crappy thinking – I made a choice (although it sometimes takes a moment or two to notice!) to entertain familiar and somewhat painful thinking and this is precisely what I will experience. How can it be any other way? If I’m feeling excited about an upcoming trip / a date with the guy I fancy, I’ll feel excited, but, if I’m judging myself and find myself lacking, how on earth can I feel anything other then, well, lacking and therefore, a little bit crap!

And the beauty of the situation is this – if I know thinking to be transitory, which I do, for I am the same Emma each day and can feel very different in any given moment (even if nothing actually happens other than a thought pops into my head and I give it (too much) attention) then I know that simply, this experience will pass with the passing of the thinking.  

I have a choice – I can take my low grade thinking seriously, dwell in a quagmire of my own making or I can notice by my feeling state that I’m not doing so well with the thinking I’m entertaining in my head, choose to shine a light in a different direction and let it go.  

And one other thing, it may be in life that there are things we can do ‘better’, things that could change and ways of being that could be upgraded, but we do not need to feel badly in the process. The irony is, the less thought we entertain and the more neutral we are in relation to our experiences and in any given situation, the clearer we will hear ‘the call to action’ and the quicker we will move through seemingly ‘difficult’ situations.  

And so it is that I find myself looking at my initial question ‘shouldn’t things be different?’ once again and with fresh eyes and recognise there is no mileage here today. I have used this thinking to beat myself around the head and quite honestly, I find myself uninterested in mulling it over any longer.  Quite simply, I choose to have a different experience and, the moment we have even a modicum of distance between ourselves and the thoughts we’re entertaining, we have the ability to let it all go.  

So in answer to my question, how seriously do I take this thought? My resounding answer is – not seriously at all!  

To your evolution!

Emma

For coaching contact me at emma@emmaeker.com or call 07887 522 199

I haven’t been blogging much recently as my energy has been funnelled elsewhere, but writing today felt important as there is something I wish to share. There is no denying it – I am in a ‘hole’.

It feels risky my writing that in black and white whilst as an individual and professional, I also wish to portray myself as an ‘I have it all together and I’ve sorted out my s**t’, Coach.

Thing is, Coach I may be, but I am also human with all the ‘unfortunate’ trappings that brings with it. And whilst every cell in my body is screaming ‘don’t post this in a public domain you crazy woman’, I wonder how good a Coach I would actually be if I avoided brutal honesty and total transparency. So I am ignoring the part of me that is scared of this kind of messy visibility, pretending I cannot see her closed eyes and the shaking of her head… and announcing loud (and possibly not so proud), ‘I feel pretty crappy’.

Thing is, I know better than to think something ‘out there’ has caused me to experience these very difficult feelings. I understand that I am not at the mercy of some external event that has disturbed my internal Dalai Lama, for I know without a doubt, that we are only ever feeling the thoughts we are entertaining in the moment. But, today, yesterday (and the day before yesterday!) my thoughts have seemed pretty real. I’ve been giving them lots of attention, far too much energy and way too much room in my head.

This can happen to me – I’ll be swimming along nicely in the river of life when ‘out of nowhere’, a thought will pop into my head that’s way too familiar to me and I latch on for dear life, allowing it to take me under, deep down towards the river bed. I try not to give myself a hard time over this (for I still have a part of me that feels like I need to be perfect and a part of me telling me I know way too much to get sucked in and sucked down), but sometimes we have the gift of clarity and sometimes, well, it’s just a little dark and it’s kinda hard to see.

Whilst there are many areas in my life when thought tries to trip me up and I see it for what it is, just a thought that will move through and disappear if I don’t get in it’s way, there are other (grey) areas when my understanding seems not to apply and thought looks real to me. In the moments when I’m blessed with a little distance between me and my thinking, I wonder about the familiarity of these particular thoughts – for they have visited me thousands of times over the course of my life. I’m not quite at the stage when I’d like to list them here in black and white (for there are a few!), but they have a theme and revolve around not being good enough and feeling like it’s only a matter of time until people leave… me.

Now this is interesting to me because when I’m in a higher state of consciousness and feeling ‘good’, these thoughts do not ‘get me’. They may pop in but I pay them no attention. However, when I’m at a low ebb and I identify something that could start the aforementioned abandonment ball rolling, I’m fair game! And once I’ve latched on and started to give these thoughts validity, it’s a downward spiral. I’m just lucky if I catch it in time.

We are thinking beings. It’s very simple. Thinking is what makes our experience real – you think it, you feel it. We all have old, outdated and familiar thinking that looks appealing – thinking that has been habitual to us and follows a theme. For what may be my Achilles heal, won’t necessarily be yours. We each view life through a certain lense and growing up, I absolutely had a way of seeing myself that wasn’t particularly helpful or beneficial to my sense of well being and it’s the very thinking that I’ve been entertaining for the last 3 days. And quite simply, it’s really rather painful and I am not enjoying myself, at all. Until I will be…

Because here’s the thing, I know it will change. I know this experience and this thinking is not the ‘all’ of me. It’s not static. It’s not permanent. And although I feel pretty horrendous in moments of buying in to what I feel is the ‘truth’ of these thoughts, experiencing fear and at times, a level of grief, I understand that experience changes. As a caveat, I do happen to believe these feelings have visited me because it’s high time I let go of the outdated version of myself – but that’s a blog for another time.

For now, I have to accept that I am where I am and it is what it is. Getting upset or judging myself for having a very human experience is going to help no-one, especially not me. I’ve done way too much of that in the past and if I’m looking to let go of the old outdated version of myself, self judgement is the first thing that needs to be shown the door.

Just before I move along the human spectrum of emotion into an entirely different experience of being me (!), I want to honour this experience of being human. Sometimes we’re up and sometimes we’re down. Sometimes we’re able to breeze along and sometimes we get sucked down and all of it is absolutely ok. Today I chose visibility and I am pleased with my decision as it has given me the distance I needed between me and the thinking that I felt ‘had’ me. This level of transparency and honesty has allowed me to move into a space of gratitude which is exactly what will change my experience into one far more preferential to me.

So in closing, I guess there’s something to be said about allowing ourselves to be visible in our messiness. For we’re all in this together and each of us, at one time or another, feels our own level of insecurity, fear and sadness. There’s something profound and healing that happens when we, as human beings, share our experiences with one another and we allow people to see inside. For in this moment I absolutely feel lighter… For me this is connection, this is true intimacy (into-me-you-see) and I am so very glad I headed the call and invited you all in! : )

With love

To Your Evolution!

Emma xxx

For coaching you can contact me here:

emma@emmaeker.com

Or call me: 07887 522 199

Life is an interesting game. There we are, going about our day to day, doing our best to mind our own business, working through our extensive to do lists, when out of nowhere, your best laid plans turn to crap. There’s a saying – “life happens when we’re busy making plans” and that’s certainly my experience of rolling with the punches.

Thing is, I love to think I’m in control – moving the pieces of my life into a tidy picture and slotting my own jigsaw pieces together to form the picture that best suits little me. But, as I’m busy planning, I am aware that life is fondly amused (convulsing with laughter!) that I’m so disillusioned as to believe it’s all up to me. Because that’s the thing, it isn’t! Life, strangely enough, has a Mind of it’s own and certainly knows what’s best for us mere mortals. And take note, I say what’s ‘best’ for us and not what’s ‘preferential’.

Down here on Earth, with our limited perspective, we’re somewhat shortsighted when it comes to evolution, growth and what it means to ‘live’. We were somehow duped along the way, being led to believe that life should deliver us fluffy bunnies, rainbows and our ideal gifts wrapped in gold (more to say on this later). Life, being life, is unpredictable and wants us to experience the full spectrum of human experience and, newsflash, that means that it isn’t all roses. Who knew. Life is sticky, life is messy, it trips you up, it’s unexpected and stuff happens that we simply didn’t make allowances for – people disappoint us, the house falls through, people get sick, the job doesn’t pan out, the project you poured your heart into turns to dust – whatever your experience of ‘crap’, that’s life. And more often than not, it comes in spades!

So, what do we do with this?  Should we feel sorry for ourselves? Fall into victimhood? Wonder why life is smacking us around the chops – for have we really been so awful? Or, do we (and here’s that word again) have a little faith and understand that life is just doing what life does – it happens. It’s giving us life experience and more importantly, ways to grow as we learn to keep our feet on the ground, ‘dance on a shifting carpet’ and stand in the eye of the storm.

It’s never what happens to us in life that matters, it’s how we deal with it. We always have options when dealing with the unexpected – heartache, illness, disappointment, betrayal and any other type of ‘mess’ that comes our way. Unfortunately, sometimes, we’re just in the sh*t. Whatever your particular brand of crap looks like, you’ll get through it. You’re human and will feel human emotion and that’s more than ok. FEEL it. You do not need to smile when your heart is aching, but at the same time, hold true also, that life is always on your side and there is light on the other side.

This brings me nicely to my reference above to ‘gifts in gold’ – sometimes life gives us some gifts wrapped in some very unappealing and odd looking wrapping paper, but no matter how ‘awful’ something appears, if you look hard enough (and sometimes you need a bloody powerful microscope and a bit of hindsight) you’ll see the gift eventually. Everything that happens to you gives you an opportunity to grow yourself as a human being and for you to evolve… if you’ll just be open enough and willing enough to allow the beauty of life to show up in all it’s guises and surrender to the Mind that’s running the show.

We need to be flexible enough to weather the storms. Move with the wind, go with the flow, surf with the tides – allow yourself to stand strong and surrender to the elements, surrender to that which is out of our control. Take a tip from nature – just like the magnificent trees – be flexible. Find your strong roots and allow yourself to bend, not break.

And again, trust. Trust that you are never given more than you can handle.  No matter how ugly the wrapping, no matter how rotten or stressed you may feel or even how much your heart aches, there is always calm after the storm.  Find your centre. Trust. Have faith. Know that life has your back and there’s always a bigger picture at play. You won’t always see it from here, but that’s the meaning of faith – it will become apparent eventually, just as sure as the sun will make an appearance at some point from a dark and brooding sky.

And lastly, in the words of a somewhat unlikely guru, Sir Mick Jagger says it perfectly – “you can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need”.  Each of our lives has its very own symphony, may we all hear our own specific music and learn to dance with life.

To your Evolution!

Emma

What is reality anyway? What makes up your experience of what you see as real? Is everything static? The foods you like, the people you prefer, dynamics between friends and within the family framework, what you’re good at, who you believe yourself to be… Is everything simply as it is (from your perspective) or are things perhaps fluid, changeable, illusory – possibly based upon your constructs of thought?

Big questions… but questions worth contemplating nonetheless. If however you’re happy with your lot, uninterested in having a different, perhaps grander, more expansive and ‘better’ life experience then stop reading here. If however, you’re someone who’s unsatisfied and experienced that gnawing feeling that there’s more and you’re unconvinced that everything you’ve been led to believe up until now is the one and only truth, then I would suggest these questions are worthy of a least a little bit of your consideration.

I mean, for me, I would feel wholly disappointed if I thought that life followed one prescriptive route – incarnate, battle through the schooling system, decide what you want to do with the rest of your life at the ripe old age of 16, (for the males among us) find a career that would support a family, (for the women) find a male who can do the supporting, get married, have kids, come to know ‘life is hard’, pay the bills, do the ‘best’ you can, (for the males) keep slaving away until retirement, (for the women) wait (or dread!) for your spouse to reach said retirement, put the retirement fund towards holidays so you can finally start living (for doesn’t ‘everyone’ dream of time ‘away’ to actually enjoy the life we’ve been blessed with – another blog altogether) and wait for old age to bring you to your knees. Although controversially enough, if you follow the above, I would suggest you’ve been on your knees up until this point anyway… (I’m actually waiting for the backlash on this…)

And here’s the thing, before you see my words as taking issue with life’s prescribed ‘progress’ and societal protocol (again another blog in and of itself), I’m actually speaking about the way in which we move through these phases in life, the way we see and experience our ‘reality’ and what we deem as possible.

We can only view our circumstances through thought. There’s no other way to experience anything. Our beliefs of what we see as possible (or even the perceived glass ceiling on our lives) is thought too – they’re ideas, all made up and all up for renegotiation. There’s always a greater and grander version of what you believe to be possible. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with the above life stages, indeed, marriage can be blissful, having children is a priceless gift bringing indescribable joy, the work we do in the world can feel deeply fulfilling and rewarding and I am not having a bash at globe trotting or judging anyone who works hard to buy nice things – after all, we live in the material world and are here to enjoy it. But, I am suggesting that the way in which we move through life, the way we feel about these life stages and what we allow to manifest and unfold, is solely down to us.

Make no mistake about it, no-one puts that ceiling on your life, you do. No-one holds a gun to your head, forcing you to fall into the status quo – you comply with what unfolds by simply moving in that direction, believing that’s all there is to it and saying yes. We’re goldfish in our proverbial goldfish bowls, unaware that an alternate reality lives just outside of the glass. We’re looking directly at it but don’t yet have the eyes to see it. And why? Because we’re consumed in a thought based reality that doesn’t allow us to see the magic when we’re convinced of what we ‘think’ we know and what we’ve been taught – the mind’s too ‘full’, there’s no room for the ‘difference’. Thoughts become your reality and hear me when I say this, it’s ALL up for renegotiation. None of it is static – not the way in which you view your co worker, not your food preferences, not even the way you see yourself in the mirror or how you view your place in the world. Even WHO you think you are can change dramatically – for even the personality is a thought construct / labels that you’ve been given, bought into and made solid. They’re just ideas of yourself  – they can be redefined in any moment. Who you actually are is a being with infinite and limitless potential, a being who can be and achieve anything. But let’s not even go that far, bring it to the moment, to the everyday – it’s possible to view your current reality in an entirely new way – it can change in an instant. Consider this – you could truly have a completely different experience of the same life – if your thinking about it changes.

Up until now, thought has remained pretty much invisible. We don’t even realise we’re doing it (thinking that is) half the time. We’re unaware (fish in fish bowl), but we’re having thoughts every moment we’re alive. No-one ever told us we don’t have to think the thoughts that occupy our minds. Left alone, untouched, thought will come in and move out, just like clouds in the sky. They’re fluid, they’re meant to pass through – we just give certain thoughts too much air time, allowing them to hang around, inviting them in for tea – ‘why does she always make me feel this way’ (misunderstanding right there – it’s the thoughts you’re having about ‘her’ that’s creating your feeling of ‘this way’), ‘I’m so tired’, (you’ll continue to feel it if you say it often enough), ‘I can’t keep up with my to do list’ (you’ll create more stress if you keep entertaining this one and have the exact experience of ‘I can’t keep up’, but, if left alone, you’ll find the thought vacate your mind and you’ll have more time ‘to do’), ‘I’m craving for chocolate’ (well, you will be if you continue to let it run through your mind until you’re at the point of salivating! but if you hear it ‘pop’ in, pay it no attention, I can pretty much bet you’ll forget you even wanted a sweet ‘treat’) – the more attention you give it, the more ‘weight’ it holds, in all and every area of our thinking / lives.

We are creators of our reality, what we believe we perceive, but if we truly knew that ‘Nothing is as it Seems’, if we suspend belief and leave a little wiggle room for something new to flow in – you’ll very possibly have an entirely different experience of the same person / relationship / situation – you’ll notice an open door you hadn’t the eyes to previously see, a different version of yourself living just beyond your refection, even a different experience of the same movie if you allow your previous thinking about it to become ‘looser’… The list is endless. The possibilities are vast.

I have been astounded at what has changed in my life with regards to my perception of something, someone or even myself when I have moved out of my own way and allowed something (some new thought) to flow in. I have seen miracles transpire once I’d made room for something new to flow in, once I’d loosened my grip on certain thoughts and finally allowed them to find their freedom. The trick is to know you’re thinking, to become aware that you are only ever feeling your own thoughts – for instance, even the way in which you’re experiencing my writing will be coming to you via your thinking about it – others will very possibly be having a totally different experience of the same thing. You may even revisit this on another occasion and feel completely different about it – it all depends on where your thoughts are in the moment. Nothing is static.

It’s so simple that it can seem difficult. But truly, you are creating your reality. Nothing is standing in your way of doing, being or having anything in your life, about from what you ‘think’ is in the way.

So here’s the thing, if you’re reading this, it means your conscious and alive on planet Earth, which means like it or not, you’re going to have to experience living through the process of thinking. So, here’s the choice – are you going to use this gift of thought against you (creating feelings of lack, struggle and limitation) or, are you going to partner with this awesome gift that allows you to experience life and create a reality of expansion, joy, awe, beauty, heartfelt connections with others and a deep appreciation of the awesomeness that is you and life itself? Not such a tricky decision really is it? But I’ll not be presumptuous and as ever, the choice is yours! ; )

To your evolution!

Emma

In a world of so many opinions, possibilities and ‘right’ ways to live, behave and advance along the path of growth and ‘success’, decision making can sometimes feel overwhelming. We’ve all been faced with choices – some seemingly ‘small’ and others that feel much more ‘important’ – should we say yes to that social engagement, do we speak out for what feels ‘right’ when there may be consequences or do we turn down that job that maybe doesn’t feel close to our heart but would say goodbye to any financial worries?

Life doesn’t always feel easy when we stand at our specific crossroads, especially in this day and age when possibilities seems vast and our vista has been blown wide open. For we have come to know that truly, anything is possible and the days when your life was mapped out for you (women take care of the home, men are the breadwinners, your far flung dreams should be kept in your head, you couldn’t possibly earn a living by doing the thing you love the most) is a thing of the past. People are doing all sorts of wonderful and outlandish things in their day to day lives that resonate with their hearts and bring in the financial rewards.

But, I am not just referring to those decisions that feel more fundamental, I am talking to the decisions that come right back to our minute by minute existence, our everyday evolution, where what we say, think and do in a moment can be defining in many ways – for our advancement as people, for our career paths, within our relationships and for our spiritual growth.

So, who do we trust? Who can point us in the right direction? Who is the authority on what is best and ‘right’ for us? These are not small questions but I have come to know one thing and know it well – the person who truly knows what’s right for you and for your highest good, stares at you every time you look in the mirror. The person who is best qualified to give you guidance, who has your best interests at heart and on whom you can trust, is you.

I am not saying that research is irrelevant and that all those who have gone before you have nothing to offer, that those who have chosen your desired career path do not have something of value to share and words of wisdom to impart, that there is no value in seeking advice from those you hold in high regard (or otherwise). Indeed, I am not so arrogant as to believe I have all the answers – on the contrary, I see that I could not have got to where I am in my life if I did not seek counsel and take guidance, but, I am suggesting that you know much more than you give yourself credit for and that ultimately, the end decision lies with you.

I think actually that this is where most of us have gone ‘wrong’ – by seeking for truth outside of ourselves and holding that opinion in higher regard than we ‘should’. I have spoken at length about faith and trust being commitments that need to be cultivated, internal muscles that need to be strengthened by ‘working’ them. So to, do we need to work our ability to listen internally, to the quiet whispers that reside inside that wish to point us in the direction that brings about our highest evolution. For we always know that ‘right’ thing (for us) to do… ALWAYS – we’ve just forgotten how to listen.

We were not all built the same. Yes, we are all human and for the most part have bodies that work in the same way, but WHO we are, what we love, what makes our heart sing, where we’re most ourselves (environment, interests, pastimes, the people we feel good around, the conversations that lift us up) differs greatly from person to person. One size does not fit all. We need to find the clothes that we feel comfortable in, that give us room to move, that make us feel good inside and I hope you see I use this clothes analogy for life – one person may love that woolly pullover whereas it may make another itch, another will enjoy pouring themselves into a size-too-small pair of jeans that hug the body, whereas another cannot stand the feeling of constriction this brings – it’s all choice and you are the only one who knows how you feel in your own choice of clothes. It’s personal. Someone can point you to the store but ultimately, you have to choose what you put on.

Get quiet. Sit with yourself. Listen to what your heart and body are telling you. What food does your body need today that feels nourishing? Who do you really wish to spend your sacred time with? What job makes you excited to get up for in the morning? Do you like the way you feel when you watch the news or is that re-run of Friends that makes you laugh out loud and lifts your heart more appealing? Do you think it’s serving to listen to that friend complain yet again about the same thing over and over again when what you really want to say is ‘I can’t do this anymore’? Is it an example of self love to continue dating that guy or girl you just can’t see yourself with just because you think you ‘should’? And a personal favourite of mine – going out to that noisy restaurant when every cell in your body is screaming at you to take some quiet time for yourself? Listen to your Self.

You know. You always know. It’s just that we’ve spent so many years saying yes when we really meant no. But it’s ok, anytime is the right time for change. Any moment in life is an opportunity to do things differently. You are your best friend and I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, life wants the best for you – always, in all ways. Life wants you to live a life that makes you happy from the inside out. You have an internal navigation system that is always desiring to take you on the best route, to the best destination. It will not give up. Life doesn’t get tired of helping you to course correct – if you take a ‘wrong’ turn, it will keep redirecting you. Our job – LISTEN.

So when I ask the question Who do You Trust? I really and truly hope that you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that it’s you.

To your evolution!

For coaching, call me on 07887 522 199

Emma

Over the years, I’ve heard a lot about this place called ‘The Meantime’ – the place between that which has gone (ending of a relationship, job, project, phase of your life etc) and that which has yet to materialise – your next step ‘up’ on the ladder of life, whatever that may be. Prior to my interest in personal evolution and all things ‘spiritual’, I didn’t imagine this place worthy of consideration. After all, isn’t the meantime just an empty space? So, the me of old would throw this out as a nothing place, somewhere to simply wait (and if I did not know what was next on the agenda – to fret, worry, berate myself for being here yet AGAIN and procrastinate) – it was definitely not worthy of my time, energy or heartfelt contemplation.

Over the years, I have come to realise that The Meantime is a very real ‘thing’ – it’s a place in and of itself. It is most definitely not an empty space in which ‘nothing’ happens. On the contrary, The Meantime can be incredibly rich, rewarding and full of potential for both personal and spiritual growth. It is fertile ground, a time for planting, and if the ground is cultivated consciously, you’ll reap rich rewards. The Meantime can lay a strong foundation for the next phase of your life… if you’ll let it.

The reason this is so current for me is because I find myself in this place right now. A phase of my life has naturally and organically come to a close and the next phase has yet to make itself known. One door has gently closed and the other is opening, but I have yet to locate this opening and see where it leads…. destination still unknown. I know it’s there, I can feel it  – I can feel the potential of it all around me – it’s in the air… it just hasn’t arrived… yet. And here’s the thing about The Meantime, it can feel scary – a credible justification as to why I should chew my fingernails to the quick, plead distress to all who cross my path, worry myself into a stupor and generally exist in a low grade depression and a deep sense of unease. But, now I understand this place better, I have the exact opposite response. I embrace The Meantime.

I understand that things take time and there’s a time for everything. No matter how much I wish for summer in winter time, it just isn’t going to happen and last time I checked, water still boils at 100 degrees no matter how much of a rush I’m in… stuff happens when it happens. It’s just the way life is. Think about it, if you’re looking to bake a cake, you’ll need to gather the ingredients, mixed them together in the correct quantities and place the mixture in the oven for an exact amount of time. If you remove that cake before the cooking time is up, you’re unlikely to win first prize at the local bake-off – It won’t rise, it may still be sticky inside, you hadn’t given it the time needed for the alchemy to happen (“the seemingly magical process of transformation, creation, or combination”).  Simply, it’s time hadn’t come. The caterpillar in the chrysalis is another example – if you disturb this process, the caterpillar will die. If it’s left alone to form into its next stage of evolution – enter the butterfly. So too, do we rise and step into the next stage of our life (be it relationship, job, opportunity) when the time is right. We’re ready when we’re ready, and not before.

I am not suggesting for one moment that we sit around passively and do nothing (although there is a time for that too), twiddling our thumbs and looking to the sky for the penny to drop, but I am suggesting that you give this space the respect it deserves and embrace it as the enormous opportunity that it is. There is potential for something totally wonderful to materialise. Fretting or worrying will do nothing but cause you to miss the beauty of The Meantime and possibly push away that which life is wanting to give you.

The thing is this, not only does The Meantime offer you a possible change in direction – a path leading to more joy, creativity, love and fulfilment, but it is also a time to consider whether you want to keep creating in a side step motion  with no forward movement –  same job, different company, same relationship dynamic, different person, same house, different street – you get my drift.

For life is always guiding you. Listen carefully for its promptings – the impulses you have towards certain activities, seemingly synchronistic meetings with people able to help you on your path, a felt need to turn a corner or enter a particular coffee shop, a book that comes your way, a film that inspires you, a song on the radio with a message especially for YOU (we all know that one!), a ‘coincidence’ too uncanny to ignore – there are millions of ways in which life will speak to you. But, you’ll be hard pressed to hear or see if you’re running a stream of negative chatter through your mind.

This is why you want to befriend The Meantime, because it’s here to help you step into the next stage of your evolution – possibly that version of yourself that’s living the life you’ve always dreamed of and has achieved all the things that make your heart soar. That version doesn’t have to remain in your imagination as something unobtainable, a pipe dream. That version of you can become your reality if you’d just believe it possible and know that life wants those things for you too – it’s here to help.

A little caveat at this point – from our limited perspective, we cannot possibly know what is best for us, which is why you’ll need to allow life to show you something you’ve not yet considered. Be open, be interested, be curious – these are the ways of being that will allow you to receive. Despite what you believe, life it isn’t against you, life is your ally, it’s your friend. And because we cannot see this invisible helping hand, it can be easy to conclude that it doesn’t exist, but consider gravity or oxygen, you cannot see them but gravity is constantly supporting you and you’d have a hard time remaining conscious if oxygen decided to up and leave!

The golden words (as ever!) are trust and faith. These are not feelings, they’re commitments. Just like you visit the gym to build muscle, you have to keep working your faith and trust muscles to build them up and make them strong. The more you do it, the more faith you’ll cultivate, the more open you’ll be to possibility and the more you’ll receive. Don’t take my word for it, try it. It’s a world view and a way of showing up. You’re either open and receptive or closed and shut down – it’s a simple choice. And make no mistake, it IS a choice.

In closing – nature abhors a vacuum. Something will always flow in to fill a space. If you’re in The Meantime, you’re in it, like it or not. But how you navigate it is entirely up to you. Will you allow circumstances to materialise based on worry, fear, lack mentality, negative self talk and limiting beliefs? Or, are you committed to trusting the process, prefering to create your next phase from a ground that’s been fertilised with unwavering trust, belief in your vision and faith in life?

So I know it’s only my personal and humble opinion, but when faced with the two options on offer, it’s a no brainer for me, I know which one I’d chose.

Here’s to trusting the process and as always, to your evolution!

Emma